A young seaman asked an old sea wolf - "Do such ships like ours often sink?"
"No - not often. Only once", was the reply.

"When we are married I must have three servants."
"You shall have twenty, dear, but not all at once."

"Can you name an animal that has eyes and cannot see legs and cannot walk, but can jump as high as the Empire-State Building?" asked the life of the party.
Everybody racked his brains during a period of deep silence, and racked in vain. Finally, they gave it up and demanded the solution.
"The answer", he said, "is a wooden horse. It has eyes and cannot see, and legs and cannot walk."
"Yes", the company agreed. "But how does it jump as high as the Empire State Building?"
"The Empire State Building," the humourist explained, "can’t jump."

"Have you ever been offered work?"
"Only once. Apart from that, I’ve met with nothing but kindness."

Employee - "I have been here 10 years doing three men’s work for one man’s pay. Now I want a raise".
Employer (slightly Scotch) - "I can’t give you a raise but if you’ll tell me who the other two men are I’ll discharge them".

The company commander asked the company clerk:
"Where do you keep your papers?"
"In a strong box, sir".
"Is it reliable?"

"Yes, it is. You can’t open it with any key."
"How do you open it then?"
"With a nail", was the reply.

"One drink always makes me dizzy".
"Really?"
"Yes - and it’s usually the eighth."

Soph - "But I don’t think I deserve an absolute zero."
Prof.- "Neither do I, but it is the lowest mark that I am allowed to give."

Advice to Persons about to Marry: Don’t.

The prison visitor was going round the cells, and was asking rather fatuous questions. "Was it your love of drink that brought you here?" she asked a prisoner.
"Lor,  no,  miss", replied the man, "you can’t get nothin’ here!"

Miss Beekley - "I’m so glad I’m not an heiress, Mr. Soper. I should never know whether my suitors were attracted by myself or my money".
Mr. Soper - "Oh, Miss Beekley, your mirror should leave you in no doubt on that score!"

Willie - "I’ll bet we have something at our house you don’t have. We have a new baby."
Bobbie - "Aw, gee; we have more than that at our house. We have a new Daddy".

She - "I just saw Dot walking down the street with her new evening gown under her arm."
He - "Don’t tell me the styles have come to that!"